Or that really juicy wide open in love kind of sex?

Just want more sex?

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Fireworks sex

Recently college campuses are revising their “consent” to sex  laws to shift from “she didn’t say no” to “she has to say yes.” Brilliant really. Even CA passed a new law Senate Bill 967 mandating this type of consent for any student receiving financial aid. I think this will be the new trend.

The spectrum from raped to ravished is also the spectrum of evil intent to full body devotional love. No one is pretending the rapes that occur out of evil intent will be much influenced by this law. But for the spectrum in the middle- those moments of animal desire accompanied by denial, self centeredness and unconsciousness which are so common, this new cultural requirement can bring a momentary  possibility for sanity. A thread on which to climb out of automatic animal pilot and into witnessing the interaction and having a glimmer of choice could now be available. Tuning in to your partner to notice for real if she (he) is scared, mute out of ambivalence, shame, confusion or drunkenness. There are many instances of just wanting more sex without noticing the reality of whether there is connection.  Stepping out of the imaginary picture of what is happening and into the reality of the “lights are on but no one is home” vs. someone is answering the door and giving you an enthusiastic “Yes  I’m home-  come on it!” While that may not lead directly to ravishment it will more clearly avoid the place on the spectrum closer to rape.

And speaking of ravished -of full body devotional love- what is that? And where can I get some?

Like the Skin Horse says to the Velveteen Rabbit (pardon my editorial license)
“Ravished isn’t something you can learn. Its a thing that happens to you. When you spend a long time getting rid of all the parts of you that aren’t the real you, the ways you protect yourself, and begin noticing how amazingly awesome your partner is and how beyond blessed you are to be able to penetrate her or open to him- then you can begin to feel what devotional love is like.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Velveteen Rabbit.

“Sometimes” said the Skin Horse for he was always truthful. “But when you are ravished you don’t mind being hurt because you know you are loved. Not just for sex but Really Loved for all of you for all time.”
It doesn’t often happen to people experimenting or exploring. It usually takes the courage to say ‘you are mine’ so the moon’s light reveals the one heart you have become.”

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Shana Parker

Couples Coach, Licensed Psychologist, a well loved wife, proud mother, and writer.