Communicating From the Heart

Healthy Relationship Quiz- Story

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Dog grabbing a man climbing a tree

Is this your communication style?

Have you taken the Healthy Relationship Quiz?  If not go to a previous BLOG Post and see how you score! Here is a snapshot from one of the 3 levels. Can you guess which level it’s from: Silver, Gold or Platinum?

Nicole’s Story:
For years whenever my boyfriend Jason and I would get into a disagreement about something and we were in the thick of an argument or conversation he would seem to disappear. He would just stop talking and I would get furious. I would yell “What is wrong with you?” That would make him more silent. Finally I decided I would try to understand why this made me so mad and why he went so silent.

Since I didn’t think I could do it myself I decided to learn some new skills. I finally had some way to tune in to my experience at a deeper level. What a relief to find a way out of this pattern that created continual upset.

This is what our conversation changed to after I learned to communicate more from my heart.
“You know Jason, I was tuning in to why I always get so mad when you go silent during our conversations. Remember the last time when I said ‘why can’t you speak to me?’ in that accusing tone? Well I decided to look a bit deeper into why that made me so mad when you are quiet and I realized that I get worried that you really don’t care! And instead of saying THAT I have been covering it up by getting mad which pushes you away.”

“Wow, Nicole, now I get it! I could never figure out why you got so upset when I was thinking. Next time I’ll say something- even if its just- give me a few minutes to see how I feel.”

Would you like to solve a pattern that creates unhappiness and learn how to stay closer to your partner? Sign up for the couples course and learn the skills you need.

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Shana Parker

Couples Coach, Licensed Psychologist, a well loved wife, proud mother, and writer.